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As a high-achieving female entrepreneur, you’re inundated with responsibilities. You have a demanding business where you navigate high-stakes situations on a regular basis. You’ve got multiple plates spinning at any given time – not just professionally, but also in your family life. You might dismiss these pressures as an inevitable part of being your own boss, and to a certain degree, they are. However, continuously high stress levels quickly lead to overwhelm, closely followed by burnout. While there will always be stressful moments, we can’t exist there 24/7. It’s not productive, it’s not sustainable. And, inevitably, your business will suffer.
You recognise that you’re not as efficient as you could be, and scaling up or elevating your performance further suddenly seems impossible. You know you can achieve so much more, but you just can’t fathom how to get there. As a business owner, wife, and mother, I’ve been there myself; I understand the frustration of playing at a level beneath you.
You’ve probably tried all the self-care tips people recommend to relax and improve your wellbeing, like meditation, journaling, and yoga. I bet you’ve put the usual business strategy solutions in place: working on time management, investing in cutting-edge software, delegating more, and recruiting more staff. But nothing is working as well as you want it to. Don’t get me wrong – these things are all important. However, they won’t eliminate the inescapable, overwhelming sense of stress, because they only address the external factors.
Another issue many entrepreneurs face is becoming addicted to the stress, compounding the problem. When you overcome yet another hurdle, the stress response is accompanied by a dopamine rush, and it feels good. Many people have a subconscious need to prove they can fix things. If that applies to you, then chaos and crises allow you to save the day. When you achieve something nobody else can, you feel worthy. As long as you need that validation, things will always be stressful and chaotic.
You need to recognise that the real reason you feel constantly overwhelmed is down to your internal subconscious programming. Once you accept that, you can uncover the real problem in order to fix it. You can finally find a real solution that lets you stay grounded even amidst the chaos.
So how do you move forward?Firstly, recognise that everyone has an ego. The ego resides in the survival mechanisms of our brain, and it is predisposed to inadequacy, scarcity and insecurity. For millennia, humans evolved in groups and our survival depended on being part of that group. Therefore, it makes sense that we are predisposed to fear rejection. Similarly, with scarcity and insecurity, the need to accumulate more and stay alert to danger are all part of the human experience. We judge ourselves for having these feelings even though they are completely natural. We can’t remove our survival brain. It’s here stay.
Thankfully, being predisposed to something does not mean being predetermined. We do not need to live at the mercy of inadequacy, scarcity and insecurity just because they come naturally. Unfortunately, when we layer on top of those predispositions, the societal conditioning we all face they can go into overdrive. We keep being triggered by perceived threats, namely not being safe, not being ok, and not doing enough.
A typical response to the threat of being unsafe is to keep pushing, and keep going no matter what. You might be afraid to let go of constant vigilance because it’s being driven by survival. Equally, you may be afraid to take a step back and relax for fear of letting yourself down or being lazy.
This is where self-worth comes in.By self-worth, we mean being comfortable in ourselves. When you make your self-worth conditional it is dependent on what others think about you. You keep having to prove that you’re significant enough to be accepted or even acknowledged. You also want to live without any judgement, criticism or rejection, which is impossible. External validation will always be fleeting. And even when you know you’re at the top of your game, you can’t shake feeling like an imposter.
When you get used to using self-judgement and self-criticism to push yourself forward, you start to worry that if you stop, your standards will slip. That’s not the case. You can absolutely still have goals and accept yourself. Self-acceptance doesn’t remove motivation, it actually gives you the emotional freedom to chase the right things for the right reasons. You won’t be chasing success for someone else. You can have career, finance, and health goals not to prove that you’re enough, but because that makes you happy and adds value to your life.
Remember, predisposed is not predetermined. But while you have unresolved blind spots and false beliefs that you’ve accidentally accumulated along the way, it doesn’t matter how organised you are, how much you schedule, or how much you meditate, you will keep triggering the survival brain until you solve the real issue.
The good news? Change can and should be fast because once you get to the root cause, the things that have controlled your mind for so long can be resolved quickly.
It doesn’t magically make life easy, but when you have the ability to take things in your stride and be emotionally non-reactive, you are incredibly resilient. This is what we term emotional fitness – when you are calm, on an even keel and can regulate your internal state regardless of outside setbacks.
Now you’re in a position to gracefully dominate your business, health, and life by embodying the three dichotomies.
- The dichotomy of impulse control – when you are ultra-disciplined and resolutely committed while being completely free to make your own choices.
- The dichotomy of emotional fitness – when you can fully acknowledge and accept your triggers and fully accept yourself having just gotten triggered, whilst refusing to allow your triggers to control you, your emotions, or your reactions.
- The dichotomy of self-acceptance – when you have high personal standards and you are fully committed to self-improvement whilst being totally at peace in who you are and where you are currently at.
What does that look like as a business owner?
- You’re able to take everything in your stride.
- You get more done in less time.
- You develop phenomenal resilience and endurance.
- You’re able to keep going without burning out.
- You reclaim control of your mind.
- You reclaim control of your life.
- You reclaim control of your health – mental and physical.
- You even reclaim control of your personal time.
And you become the leader that both your professional and personal life need you to be.
